A Life-Cycle Perspective on Cannabis by Anonymous

The writer is a Social Worker in New York, where he lives with his wife of twenty-three years, five children and a variety of animals. Exposed to the extremes of cocaine, alcohol, and opiate addictions in his clients, he recognizes the usefulness of cannabis to reduce addictive behavior, and as a potential adjunct in the treatment of mental illness and wasting diseases. Observing that life may be viewed “through a glass, darkly,” he considers cannabis use as a private spiritual activity to develop awareness of the sacredness of existence.

After almost thirty-five years as a pothead, I guess I should be a basket case by now. At least that’s what the government sponsored disinformation on this wonderful plant would suggest. Yet for me as for so many others, marijuana has only added to and never subtracted from life’s richness and meaning.

I smoke a bowl or joint once a week or less often, usually on weekends or during yearly vacations from my high stress job. I find that I get as high as is useful with just a few inhalations, though I also sometimes enjoy working pot into food recipes for a more gradual onset and longer lasting high. I buy from a trusted friend and sometimes go for months without smoking, with no pangs of withdrawal or craving.

When I started smoking pot as a teenager, I did so more often and for some of the same reasons that I do now all these years later. Then it was about joining friends to talk about the war in Vietnam and what we were doing to oppose and/or avoid participating in it. But it was also about experiencing the beauties of nature with fresh vision and a deepening realization of the interconnectedness of things. That sense of the sacred and underlying unity inherent in all existence is still what resonates for me in the marijuana experience after all these years. Cannabis did not prevent me from being an honors student in high school or graduating from an Ivy League college to pursue a career. Nor did it lead me to use cocaine, heroin, speed or downers, although any of these substances were certainly available despite prohibition, then as now.

I do drink coffee but am careful to limit frequency and quantity. I did get hooked on tobacco and had actually started smoking it before I ever tried pot. I was finally able to quit this addiction after an LSD experience left me with a deep and certain sense of being completely free of the need to smoke cigarettes. The nicotine withdrawal was still there over the next week or so, but I simply knew on some level that I would never smoke it again. I haven’t used hallucinogens in many years and feel that I got what I was supposed to get out of those valuable and powerful experiences. Having lost a dear cousin to lung cancer caused by years of a tobacco addiction she was never able to break free from, I figure that LSD may well have saved my life. I haven’t touched a cigarette in over twenty years, since being spontaneously released from that addiction.

Nor did cannabis lead me to the abuse of alcohol, a truly dangerous drug that was and still is ubiquitous. I drink wine occasionally but don’t organize my life around it and I don’t drink to the point of intoxication. Even as a young person, I never liked the feeling of being intoxicated and wondered why anyone would seek out an experience that so often leads to foolish and often dangerous behavior, not to mention headaches, vomiting and even crippling addiction. I go to work every day with few sick days and am in excellent health according to my family doctor, a well regarded physician who knows I smoke pot and seems unconcerned about it.

I’m employed as a credentialed Social Worker and addictions counselor, supervising staff in a program that works with adults who suffer from a variety of severe forms of mental and emotional disturbances as well as various addictions. Much of my work is done in the field, where the clients are, as they often are unwilling or unable to come to an office to be seen, at least initially. It is considered the highest-risk area of Social Work practice as far as personal safety is concerned, with deadly assaults a not uncommon event, though I have yet to have had a violent incident occur to me (thank God). I love my work and think my clients can tell that I respect and enjoy being with them. They teach me so much about survival and meeting life on its own terms every day. I am also a community volunteer, serving on a not-for-profit Board that works to relieve poverty around the world. I am active in my church and am an adoptive parent of a special needs child. I pay my taxes and am a good neighbor.

I am also a criminal of sorts, on those sunny afternoons when I light up before going out to work in my garden, do housework, settle in with a symphony, walk my dog or take a hike with my kids. I find that marijuana assists me in being more present in each moment and activity, however ordinary and mundane. I am more attentive and aware of the nuances of meaning in what is happening around and inside me, and often use marijuana in a conscious effort to problem solve and strategize, finding that solutions hold up well when I return to work. So, I refuse to be defined or constrained by laws seeking to govern what for me amounts to a private spiritual activity that I believe is protected by my country’s founding documents and principals. As these marijuana laws have no moral basis or credibility, I continue my pursuit of freedom, happiness and a life that seeks to harm to no one. Marijuana use has had much to do with my evolving spirituality, which in recent years has included the practice of meditation and yoga. It informs my awareness of the sacredness of all life, which led me to abandon meat-eating years ago.

When I smoke I do so intentionally, with an expectation that I will be renewed in an experience of the beauty and mystery of life. Although this awareness is certainly available without the use of cannabis, I am convinced that this versatile and beneficent plant was created at least in part to strengthen our connections to the sacred and transcendent. The Christian scriptures say that in this life we see “through a glass darkly” and I believe that cannabis can clarify and sharpen our vision in some amazing ways when used intentionally. Maybe this is why all humans are born with cannabis receptor sites hard-wired into their brains.

As I entered middle age, I found that marijuana’s medical usefulness became more apparent. An immobilizing back condition began after rototilling my garden eight years ago and sent me to the hospital by ambulance. It has stayed in remission mainly through the spiritual program I just described. But when I do have a flare-up after some vigorous activity I know that grass is the best analgesic and anti-spasmodic available to me. It certainly works better in quickly targeting pain, restoring full range of motion and relieving debilitating muscle spasms than the addictive drugs my doctor initially suggested with all their side effects. My physician seemed familiar with and supportive of this medical application of cannabis when I told him about how it works for me. How sad that he can prescribe dangerous and less effective drugs but not cannabis.

When my clients abandon their addictions to cocaine or opiates or alcohol, a number of them over the years have told me that marijuana quells craving for these drugs and allows them to function more normally without these other substances, holding onto a level of sobriety they and their helpers often would have thought impossible for them to achieve. With clients who suffer with major mental illnesses such as schizophrenia or bipolar conditions, a number have confided that pot helps to stabilize mood and reduce the severity of psychotic symptoms.

One such person I work with tends to avoid food and appears almost skeletal at times. When he locates pot his appetite and interest in food is restored and his psychotic symptoms are reduced. The key for most seems to be finding good quality cannabis and titrating the dose carefully with less being more, insofar as its effectiveness is concerned. Too much and the symptoms escalate instead of diminish. I wonder what benefits and applications await discovery in the field of treating mental illnesses with THC if ever the roadblocks to research and development are lifted.

When a colleague and friend was dying of cancer, it was my pleasure and privilege to assist him in obtaining the sacred plant, after his own physician recommended cannabis to reduce nausea and boost appetite, which it did wonderfully. He was a minister who to my knowledge had no prior experience with illegal plants of any kind, but did not hesitate to follow his doctor’s advice when he needed fast, effective relief.

When my little boy died tragically ten years ago, I once again found cannabis to be effective but in a different way. I had never used pot as an antidepressant but after trying Prozac to deal with my devastating loss I found it had side effects I did not like and tended to produce, at least in my experience, a certain flattening and reduced range of feeling. I hadn’t used pot after my loss, assuming it might amplify my depressive symptoms but decided to give it a try after becoming discouraged with what the pharmacy had to offer. To my surprise, I found it helped me not only to feel less despondent, but actually helped me to do the grief work I needed to do.

I was able to lean into the pain more deeply and to move beyond that towards integration of my loss into an ongoing life that once again seemed worth living. I had also lost a lot of weight due to depression and found my appetite and enjoyment of food restored. I began once again to find enjoyment in hobbies and everyday things that had lost meaning after my son’s death. I found there was a carry-over effect in terms of the lifted mood, lasting for days after only using a small amount of cannabis. Again I wondered what the potentials of THC could be in the treatment of depression if only full-scale research and clinical trials were allowed in this area.

I have five children, ranging in age from ten to nineteen years of age, three of them adopted. Although I don’t smoke pot around them, I have answered their questions about cannabis truthfully and with a clear conscience about my own use, of which they are aware. I am able to draw upon my training and education when I tell them that marijuana is not the dangerous drug the school tells them about. I let them know that this wonderful plant has many uses ranging from industrial to medical, spiritual to recreational.

I am able to draw on my own and my friends’ experiences when I tell them that cannabis can certainly enrich and sustain life in many ways. I tell them that like driving a car or having sex; it is best used responsibly by adults. I tell them it is not for everyone and can be an unpleasant experience for some, especially novice users and/or those with preexisting emotional disorders. My oldest tried pot earlier this year and decided it was not for her, at least at this point in her life. It was easy for her to share her impressions with me and I have always been grateful that my children seem able to talk about their feelings and experiences quite readily with me. I think knowing that their dear old dad smokes pot takes away much of the allure that it might otherwise have for them, which is just fine with me. In my view, anyone old enough to vote or go to war is old enough to enjoy pot responsibly and I look forward to sharing this experience with one or more of my own children someday, whether big brother approves or not.

3 Responses to “A Life-Cycle Perspective on Cannabis by Anonymous”

  1. Bernard Sousse says:

    Dear Sir,

    I am a licensed mental health clinician in my late forties. I have been working in the Outpatient Department of a detox hospital for nearly 3 years, in addition to having worked with addicts within the populations I’ve served for the past 21 years.

    I appreciate your argument in favor of the positive uses of Marijuana, although recognizably a matter of opinion. I personally use alcohol in much the same way you do Cannabis. They may be very different drugs, we use them for similar purposes, and in similar circumstances. However, I need to point out the fact that neither you nor I are addicts, and probably will never be. The fact that we can apply some rationale for using our substance of choice and that we consequently do so with such control, puts us in a very different category of people. I don’t see how we would have issues with laws, or even need them, if everyone smoked or drank like you and I.

    It has been demonstrated that cannabis plants nowadays are 8 times more potent than the ones grown in the 70’s, on average, and treatment facilities are now witnessing people who exhibit signs of physical dependence on cannabis, which never/rarely happened before. It is not a substance that is known typically to create physical dependence as you know. Yet you and I have seen people who could not stop themselves from smoking all day.

    Should the laws that aim at regulating the use of any drug, usually because of its abuses, be abolished to benefit the minority who may need it for medicinal purposes or spiritual “epiphanies”? Alcohol is legal, yet we lose more people to driving under the influence than we did in Iraq. Alcoholism is on the rise despite its rate of fatalities.

    I think to be fair to everyone, we need to be careful about what we ask for from our government, and avoid putting everyone in the same basket. We cannot defend the harmlessness of cannabis to oppose laws that were created as a result of abuses, and which target mainly those who use it frequently enough to incur documented short and long term effects. I personally think that at this stage, alcohol should be illegal, not by core belief, but out of necessity. I feel that we as a people are less motivated toward self-regulation than are the Europeans for example.

    Best regards.

  2. Destin says:

    Sorry Bernard,

    Against my inclination to get involved in online discussions, I cannot in good conscious see a misopinion spread that is truly dangerous. Fight me all you like, I do not care. Before you get started, please understand that I personally believe you are consciously aware of your detachment from alcohol. Please know others are not. I have been a smoker, drinker, pothead…a person with a disposition towards addictions. You may not feel as if you are about alcohol, but in actuality…every single one of us has addictions to ward off our lonliness. You probably do not even know of many of them. How can you not? Back to Alcohol…it’s seriously dangerous. Not in itself. But for those who cannot control themselves as a result of any number of insecurities they have (again, let’s get real…we ALL have our own) will end up using alcohol as compensation to deal with those insecurities. It gives you the confidence to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. It enables you to feel more “free” and “liberated” because you are not confined to feeling your true ‘self.’

    I could go on and on about how wrong alcohol is for you. But that is just adding fodder to the ignorance or denial. Audience, Tim has so eloquently written one of the most truthful accounts of marijuana. If you have any doubt…trust your gut. Why are there no Mothers Against Pot Driving? Why are there no rehabilitation centers designed for Potheads? No lawyers lining up to defend potheads who killed people while driving while high. No my beloved friends, there IS a reason why no such things exist, and I thank Tom for taking the energy to relate his candid experiences as to why. Pot can never be addictive for long. That’s part of its magic.

    Now to all the Tom’s out there, I must also in clear conscious say that we cannot rely on pot alone for our communion with the Awareness (many allude to it as enlightment and so forth…but it comes down to that alone). Trust is hard to earn nowadays, and I personally cannot attest to having experienced communion at said level myself. As a result, I ask for no change (figurative or : ) All I ask is for further reflection. Pot is wonderful in giving our conscious insight into whatever is ailing us spiritually so that it can be re-centered. AND it’s because of this that it must be let go of in order to ultimately cross into the next plane. (Pot is a ‘re-cracker,’ which is a reference to Where the Wild Things Are and what Max contrived as a proof of his ability to use tools to ward off isolation.) In other words, communion cannot come while we are in the expanded awareness of our minds. It is ONLY when we can surrender to the moment and see its complete perfection can we then be in communion with ALL that is. There is no need to even bother considering my worthiness of this testament, for I guide you to ALL who have reached said communion and what they had to say about it. Buddha, Jesus, etc…all completely surrendered. If that is not enough to go on…how many preached about getting high beforehand : ?

    Please, if you have any objections to the above…know that I truly mean this latter bit to be a judgement on your decision to do whatever you are doing or how you go about your business. It goes beyond not caring…it’s because you are already perfect as you are, and therefore cannot choose wrong. So please do not take this as a call for change. This is only an invitation for those seeking it. In fact, smoke as much as you feel like and let the awareness serve as a guide..because everything inside me says eventually, with enough persistence…you will follow your own clues and be able to see enough of the false-self you leave behind along the way.

    Yet, if my words are able to reach another similar awareness, those that feel close, as in both hearts are in it, then we

  3. Destin says:

    (PS version with minor adjustments)

    Sorry Bernard,

    Against my inclination to get involved in online discussions, I cannot in good conscious see a misopinion spread that is truly dangerous. Fight me all you like, I do not care. Before you get started, please understand that I personally believe you are consciously aware of your detachment from alcohol. Please know others are not. I have been a smoker, drinker, pothead…a person with a disposition towards addictions. You may not feel as if you are about alcohol, but in actuality…every single one of us has addictions to ward off our lonliness. You probably do not even know of many of them. How can you not? Back to Alcohol…it’s seriously dangerous. Not in itself. But for those who cannot control themselves as a result of any number of insecurities they have (again, let’s get real…we ALL have our own) will end up using alcohol as compensation to deal with those insecurities. It gives you the confidence to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. It enables you to feel more “free” and “liberated” because you are not confined to feeling your true ‘self.’

    I could go on and on about how wrong alcohol is for you. But that is just adding fodder to the ignorance or denial. Audience, Tim has so eloquently written one of the most truthful accounts of marijuana. If you have any doubt…trust your gut. Why are there no Mothers Against Pot Driving? Why are there no rehabilitation centers designed for Potheads? No lawyers lining up to defend potheads who killed people while driving while high. No my beloved friends, there IS a reason why no such things exist, and I thank Tom for taking the energy to relate his candid experiences as to why. Pot can never be addictive for long. That’s part of its magic.

    Now to all the Tom’s out there, I must also in clear conscious say that we cannot rely on pot alone for our communion with the Awareness (many allude to it as enlightenment and so forth…but it comes down to that alone). Trust is hard to earn nowadays, and I personally cannot attest to having experienced communion at said level myself. As a result, I ask for no change (figurative or : ) All I ask is for further reflection. Pot is wonderful in giving our conscious insight into whatever is ailing us spiritually so that it can be re-centered. AND it’s because of this that it must be let go of in order to ultimately cross into the next plane. (Pot is a ‘re-cracker,’ which is a reference to Where the Wild Things Are and what Max contrived as a proof of his ability to use tools to ward off isolation.) In other words, communion cannot come while we are in the expanded awareness of our minds. It is ONLY when we can surrender to the moment and see its complete perfection can we then be in communion with ALL that is. There is no need to even bother considering my worthiness of this testament, for I guide you to ALL who have reached said communion and what they had to say about it. Buddha, Jesus, etc…all completely surrendered. If that is not enough to go on…how many preached about getting high beforehand : ? (that is only if they forgot to : D

    Please, if you have any objections to the above…know that I truly didn’t mean this latter bit to be a judgement on your decision to do whatever you are doing or how you go about your business. It goes beyond not caring…it’s because you are already perfect as you are, and therefore cannot choose wrong. So please do not take this as a call for change. This is only an invitation for those seeking it. In fact, smoke as much as you feel like and let the awareness serve as a guide..because everything inside me says eventually, with enough persistence…you will follow your own clues and be able to see enough of the false-self you leave behind along the way.

    Yet, if my words are able to reach another similar awareness, those that feel close, as in both hearts are in it, then we must find a way to let go.

Leave a Reply