Dear Honey by Timothy

“Timothy” is a pseudonym. The 25 year-old author is a successful businessman and a dedicated husband and father. Wives and mothers may find his househusbandry of particular interest, as lesser male habits are consigned to the dustbin.

Dear Honey,

We have such a wonderful life with each other. Our lives have been filled with an amazing act of nature, a wonderful three-year-old daughter to bring us together. And we have a beautiful house in a great neighborhood, two new cars, all of the food we could ever want, and not a worry in the clouds. However, you seem to be concerned about marijuana and its effect on me. I know it’s an illegal substance, but honestly, I don’t understand why. I hope in this letter that I’ll be able to show you why I enjoy it and how I think it helps me to be a better, rather than a worse person.

Let me get to the point. I am already a very successful business man, at the age of 25. I have been with the same company for seven years now and am one of their top producers. Surely someone under the influence of marijuana could not accomplish such a feat, right? Your memory becomes impaired and remembering the simple things, like where the car keys are, is difficult while using pot, right? Business comes easy to me, though, and I am motivated to work hard and get ahead. Let’s move to something a little more sacred and intimate.

What a lovely daughter we have. Three years old and so filled with life and curiosity. So full of energy and lusting for everything that life has to offer. According to many published studies on marijuana and fertility, I should be shooting blanks by now. Eight years of consistent use should surely cause a drop in sperm count and give me retarded little triple tailed tad poles that don’t move. Nope, wrong again.

Speaking of sexual relations, remember all of those times when you have told me, “Wow, I have never felt like that before.” Where, at the end of our love making, a simple touch would leave you trembling on the bed, shaking and laughing because it all felt so good? Where two hours of foreplay was followed by hour-long love making sessions that left us holding each other tightly and remembering the love that we have for each other? That was, oddly enough, a product not only my love for you, but also pot. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great without it, but when I’m under the influence of this “horrible” substance, I slow down and really enjoy each moment, making particular sure to give attention to everything you need and completely satisfy you. Wait a second, you may say, I thought pot decreased sexual appetite as well. Apparently that is wrong as well.

Neither of us likes to clean the house on a normal day, but with pot, I will take a toothbrush to every square inch of our house. You’ve seen me do it, as a matter of fact. I’ve organized every closet in the house, every cabinet in the kitchen and the bathroom, the garage, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned all of the windows, made all of the beds, and straightened every pillow in less than three hours. All of this while you were able to sit down, eat Oreo’s, and watch TV. If anyone exemplified the stereotypical pot head, it would have been you! Oddly enough, I enjoyed letting you sit back and relax. You work as hard as I do, but with pot, I sincerely enjoyed the intricacies of our house, appreciated the fine furnishings, and came to the realization of how lucky we are.

Having the munchies, being unmotivated and unwilling to help anyone but yourself. That is what the government has burned into all of our heads about pot, but yet, I have never done so much work in one day as when I’m smoking. I’ve accomplished more than most people can accomplish in a month for the well being of their home. And to top it all off, I LOVED CLEANING THE WHOLE HOUSE. I could have cleaned even more. The challenge of making something new again, to rejuvenate the old and dirty to make bright and new, that is what pot allows me to do. But according to every commercial against pot, I should be sitting down in the basement, toking up and watching TV, all red eyed, eating a huge bag of chips and hitting you in the face. Cheating on you with every woman that walks by and unable to listen to anything you say. Fortunately, that is not me and pot would never make me into that.

Pot does make me enjoy food: think about all of those gourmet meals that I have prepared with no cookbook in front of me. All of those times you sat down at the dinner table and asked for seconds and thirds of chicken that has never tasted so good. That was a direct result of the creative juices that start to flow with the beloved cannabis. It makes me happy to let you just sit back and enjoy the cooking show while I prepare this for you, because my zest for the simpler things has been brought back to life and again, I love to do these things with the help of pot.

You ask if I would want our little girl, when she grows up, to smoke cannabis herself. My answer to you is, yes. If people can act responsibly with this wonderful gift from nature, then they should be allowed to enjoy it. The fact is, drinking can be a fruit that we can enjoy, but I agree with the governments stand on age restrictions of alcohol, just as I would with marijuana. The key thing is responsibility of use. When our little girl grows up, has a place of her own, and has demonstrated responsibility in her life, only then would I feel comfortable with her use of marijuana. An open and honest environment would be ideal for trying marijuana for the first time.

When I haven’t had marijuana on me, I never once have actually HAD to have it. Over the past few years I have tried desperately to quit smoking cigarettes, but I just haven’t been able to do it. My body has made it very obvious to me that I need to replenish my nicotine levels. Otherwise I just won’t feel right. Nicotine cravings have literally encompassed my life and I feel powerless against them. On the other hand, if I have no marijuana, I have never scoured together change from the car to run and track down some pot. If it’s available, great, but otherwise I can leave it alone.

The fact is that I smoke pot. I love it for its mind awakening attributes. I don’t agree with the government’s stand on marijuana policies. Just because it’s a law, doesn’t mean its right. It used to be against the law in England to practice certain religions, so a group of people left to start their own colony where they could do as they wished. It’s now called America. The 1800’s in America had no rules against drugs, other than that people other than whites could not use them. It was the law, but again it was not right. Just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it should be.

I hope you understand that I love you dearly and do not want to upset you or concern you, but I am doing fine and this substance has done everything for me, except hurt me. The only thing I can see bad about it is the act of smoking it. So why don’t I break out the brownie pan and cook some up?



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